Ask Yourself Tough Questions, Often
Give the answers time and space
My last post Working From the Inside Out introduced the idea of inner work, which I know for some (my past self included) can seem really woo woo.
Too much so for many. That’s okay.
In the Finding Mastery episode I referenced, Dr. Gervais talked about some of the reasons leading up to the switch being flipped for people. For the desire to change finally materializing, often when the pain of not changing is greater than the pain felt from staying the same.
“I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.” Gervais
Ultimately it’s a choice we make, or don’t.
For me it was similar, born out of a fear of falling short as a husband and a dad after we lost our daughter, and realizing that the choices I was making were holding me back from being my best for my family.
If you’re interested, Dear Rich has more of the details1, but the work for me really started a little over four years ago - and it continues in large part with the way I ask myself tough questions and seek out the answers.
My journal is full of them.
Through a framework of self-inquiry I began to uncover more about myself, and about what was working for me, and more importantly, what wasn’t.
Why do I do this?
What if I do this instead of that?
What if I don’t do that anymore?
Just for a bit? What about forever?
Eventually I uncovered a clearer picture of what my best self looked like, and saw what2 was standing in my way of being that person more often. I found more clarity on what I wanted, and valued.
My journal today contains even more questions as I work to refine and improve that vision. Some questions are easy to answer. Others much harder.
I don’t tell this story to be instructive in any way, but more to serve as an invitation to start asking yourself more questions, to get curious, and think about what could be.
Where does that lead? Where could it?
If that doesn’t land for you yet, maybe try looking for those people you respect and admire. List them out, and do a deeper dive into what makes them different in your eyes. What are the the qualities they possess that you most want to have for yourself? Just make your list, and think about what it would take for you to get from here to there. Not overnight, but someday.
Thanks for reading,
Paul
Move forward. Stay in the game.
To keep things brief, in August 2020 I heard an NPR interview with author Eric Weiner about his new book The Socrates Express. The first chapter on Marcus Aurelius was my first introduction to Stoicism, which quickly led me to find Ryan Holiday’s The Daily Stoic book and later his podcast of the same name. The Daily Stoic Podcast, besides helping to deepen my own understanding of Stoicism as a philosophy for daily life, introduced me to Rich Roll, his podcast, and Finding Ultra.
Alcohol no longer made sense after I asked the question and looked at both the science and my lived experience with it. Animal products soon followed, though I give myself some wiggle room there now.